Today I am launching “Ladies Who Like It”.
For some time I have been talking about the importance of women’s stories about sex.
I don’t mean erotic stories.
I mean the real life, funny, inspirational, sometimes moving, life giving stories, that women have about their own experiences around sexuality.
For many women they would never consider sharing these stories because , understandably, they are private, special, intimate. Not for public consumption.
I absolutely appreciate this, and indeed would have agreed with this perspective wholeheartedly in the past, for myself.
Now however, I believe there is another way of looking at this.
When I was growing up, and learning about sex, I was taught about biology, and sincere teachers tried under difficult circumstances, to convey something about the nature of sexual relationships, but the reality was that as an adult, like most people, I just had to figure things out for myself.
Each time, with each person I was in relationship with.
Like many people I didn’t have a useful model for how to even talk about sex, never mind discover freely what I liked and ask for it. It rather depended on the relationship.
It never occurred to me it me it be something for me to figure out personally.
With my personality and background I made certain decisions about what sex meant for me, and did not revisit them until my 50’s.
Carl Jung describes a process in human development where in the first half of your life you become the person you need to be for the society and circumstances you are, in to survive and thrive. In order to do that you leave certain aspects of yourself that may not fit that picture, behind. My understanding of his theory, is that in the second half of your life, where life allows, your goal is to revisit and reintegrate those same parts of yourself, in order to become the whole person you have the potential to be. Not everyone agrees of course or gets to this stage of life, but for me it’s an accurate description of what I have been doing myself.
I have been reflecting and exploring the parts of myself that I put aside to be a good daughter, wife, mother, Catholic, upright citizen as I then understood those roles to require. Don’t get me wrong, I have not not abandoning everything I have been. I simply started giving myself permission to think about things and say:
“Is that true, do I still believe that? What do I think now?”
When I got to examining my attitudes towards sexuality, I realised I wanted and needed, to hear about other women’s experiences around sex.
As a former-counsellor, and merely having lived this long, I was only too familiar with the terrible, painful stories, so many of us have about sex.
I could find stories about sex which were sometimes erotic and beautiful, but never in the tone of voice I was looking for.
Where could I hear women’s joyful, embodied, empowering, happy, life enhancing stories about sex?
I wanted to hear stories about women like me, and also women who are not like me.
When I started to talk to other women I found that there were others too, who felt like this.
I would talk about the subject and the energy in the room
would go right up.
I said to myself, and then to others,
“What if I invited women to share these kinds of stories for both the benefit of other women, and so that they themselves, could experience the healing and affirming which can come from them having their wonderful stories witnessed and celebrated…?”
“What if I created a collection of stories, a blog, a podcast, a live event bringing women together to hear them…..?”
So that’s what i’m doing
“Ladies Who Like It” is for all those women who understand something of what I’m talking about.
For whom this is a “hell yes!”
And also for those others who might just be intrigued to know a little more…..
If this is you, I bid you a very warm welcome.
I am collecting stories in writing, in person over tea and cake, over Zoom, with individuals and perhaps small groups -however feels most comfortable.
All participants will receive a document explaining how the stories will be used and give their signed consent, which they can withdraw at anytime.
Stories will be kept anonymous and held securely.
If you or someone you know might be interested in this please do share this with them.
For more information or questions please do contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Queen of Revelry and Lady who Likes It