Just to let you know this article refers to childbirth experiences.
What does the word transition mean to you?
Perhaps it conjures up the journey of someone who feels their body doesn’t reflect the gender they recognise themselves to be, and so they make some life altering changes.
Perhaps it makes you think of a deliberate shift by a society, from one based on the disastrous overuse of fossil fuels to one that allows our planet to survive.
For me I think of the time during labour known as transition where a baby moves into position in the birth canal ready for the birthing..
When I experienced this for myself I remember the feelings that came at that particular moment of change. I went from just about managing my contractions to feeling like I simply couldn’t go on.
It wasn’t until I had experienced childbirth for a third time that I understood my task was to not fight that feeling. What I discovered was that I needed to surrender to it and trust that my body knew what to do in that moment, in a way that my conscious brain did not.
My understanding now of that process is that as a baby’s head goes from the womb into the vagina there is a huge spike in adrenalin in the mother that allows physiological rearrangements of the muscles involved in delivery to take place.
It’s also been suggested that that spike in adrenalin also ensures a mother is paying attention, making sure her environment is safe for the imminent birth. If it isn’t safe the process can stall.
The emotional effect of the flood of adrenaline can invoke a sense of being unable to go on.
An experienced midwife knows exactly what is going on in that moment and how it feels.
A good midwife will give a woman the reassurance and care she needs to manage that moment before it all changes and the baby is pushed into the world.
I have been reminded of this feeling recently as I find myself in a new phase of my life.
I am in a transition. I have entered a full time relationship with my new husband, in a home that is new to me and seems far from family and friends.
It feels a bit like when I was having a baby, the change involved is completely desired and wonderful, and yet I find myself feeling anxious, unsafe, unsure how to proceed.
I’m also peri-menopausal. The levels of oestrogen in my body are reducing for sure.
As you may or may not know the hormone oestrogen in different forms serves as a buffer for cortisol. Lowered levels of oestrogen makes it less easy for your body to counteract cortisol when you are stressed. This means that as you adjust to the rebalancing of those hormones levels of stress which may be similar to things you’ve experienced in the past can feel worse.
Pre-industrial communities recognised that times of change are hard for people and that social or religious rituals can help individuals process the change from one state to another. Most familiarly we might think of rites of passage to adulthood. Marriage services, christenings and funerals can be seen as versions of this.
Traditions related to the Quarter days of the year in the Celtic calendar recognise a belief that there are threshold moments in the year where the veil between the worlds is thinner. Times of danger and possibility. Tradition recommends that special care and attention be paid at those times and that rituals of protection be practiced, e.g. Hallowe’en/Samhain.
The shift I’m experiencing is not just the change in my personal circumstances. I’m experiencing a change in my body. I feel different.
It feels uncomfortable and unfamiliar.
The way my body processes food is changing.
How my body is responding sexually is changing.
I am in a transitional state from one way of being to another.
At the onset of menstruation I went from being a child to becoming a fertile woman with the potential to create another human being. Soon that will no longer be the case. After forty two years my body is changing to a new post-fertile state.
Among other things happening in my body, my adrenal system is now taking over the production of many of the hormones that used to be managed by my reproductive system. My body, as I understand it, is changing to a state where the resources that it previously required to use to be ready for a baby, from ensuring ensuring ovulation happened, to shedding the lining of the womb, will no longer be needed in the same way.
Some women think of this process as a decline and a downgrading of their femaleness. I like to think of it as a freeing up of resources which can now be used for something else.
Some women I have spoken to talk of the sense of liberation that they have experienced when they no longer feel ruled by the strong presence of oestrogen and oxytocin working together to make them feel so nurturing towards others. They experience a sense of freedom and agency to be more self-centred in a healthy way. Others speak of the grief as their libido changes or evaporates.
Different women have such different experiences.
If I didn’t have other women to turn to to say “What do I do about this?”, “Have you experienced this?”, “What did you do to manage this…?” I am not sure what I would do.
Many of us need some help to navigate this part of our life journey one way or another and I am so grateful to those women who have already helped me by sharing their advice, their story or their solidarity.
What if we could all understand more about this process that is happening to us? What if we were all more able to trust our bodies to manage the change? Wouldn’t it be so much easier? After all unlike me with my child birthing experience, we only get one shot at this particular transition
Wouldn’t it be even better if we had someone beside us who knew more about this process and how it can feel and what is going on when we have those moments when we feel we can’t do it any more.
Someone who knows this will not go on forever.
Someone who understands that something will shift and that what seems impossible right now will become manageable, doable and might even start to feel good in time.
Is there anyone else who feels like they could do with a midwife for midlife?
For more on this :
F Marian McNeil The Silver Bough
Red Velvet Revelry 